[AD] Review: Killer Confidence by Pole Royalty Training

[Disclaimer: In return for this review, I received payment and the product for free. All opinions in this post are, as always, my own. For more information, please click here]

Back in 2017, at the height of my mental health issues, I spent an afternoon learning from Peach Lee Ray about confidence, self-love, and becoming the most authentic version of yourself.

Her Killer Confidence course would be one of the foundations that helped me along the rocky road that was diagnosis, therapy, and treatment.

Even though I still struggle to remember the contents of the course, I still remember how empowering it felt to feel, for the first time, that I was in charge of the direction I took my life.

Fast forward to 2020, and I’ve been lucky enough to work with and learn from Peach on a number of occassions. She’s one of the most kind, compassionate, and driven people I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet and call my friend.

So, when Peach got in touch to ask if I’d like to review the newest version of the Killer Confidence course, I jumped at the chance!


About Pole Royalty Training

Pole Royalty Training was founded by Peach Lee Ray, owner of Feelin’ Peachy in the Wirral and the Pole With Peach blog. As a studio owner, self-development lover, and all-round empowering ray of sunshine, Peach founded her training company to help instructors make their students feel like royalty. It’s her mission to help instructors and studio owners become “curators of magical pole experiences” and empower them to become the best versions of themselves that they can be.


Killer Confidence: Overview

Peach Lee Ray is dressed in a 1920's style dress, hat, and gloves, and she is wearing simple makeup with red lipstick. She is smiling into a mirror she's holding in her hands and her eyes are closed. Next to her, the text reads "Killer Confidence - Slay the Self-Love Game"

This online course is packed full of new content that Peach has refined over the years of delivering her trademark teachings.

The Killer Confidence course comes with:

  • 2 1/2 hours of video content
  • 2 guided meditation audio files
  • PDF worksheets

Plus, you get lifetime access to the course, so you can dip in and out as you need to and be the first to access course updates as they come.

Even though Peach kindly gave me access to the course for free, I think Β£47 is awesome value for money given the amount of content and guidance you get in return.

Quick Overview

One thing I’m always fussy about is how easy it is to work through a course and whether course software is built in a way that’s intuitive, simple to navigate, and frustration-free.

Surprisingly, this is something some of the biggest online course leaders fail to use. I’m currently doing an SEO course through MOZ, one of the biggest names in search engine optimisation, and their course software is terrible.

However, Peach has clearly put a lot of thought into making the course experience as easy to work through as possible.

A screenshot of the sidebar on the Killer Confidence course, showing each of the lesson sections and how many videos have been completed.

Yes, I know Thinkific is a bit of kit that isn’t unique to Peach. But I can still appreciate how easy it is to use.

The UI is really easy to navigate, and quickly shows you how much of the course you’ve completed. It’s really easy to jump between videos if you need to skip back to refresh your memory or grab another copy of a worksheet or meditation file.

Killer Confidence: What Did I Think?

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Sometime back in 2017 (I think?) I went to one of the @peachleeray Killer Confidence workshops. Two years on, I've just found the postcard she gave us all stashed away in my notebook. On the back, I wrote that my confidence is compassion, quiet, acceptance, and creativity. At the time, I was suffering a lot with my mental health, and was probably a lot closer to breaking point than I would have admitted to myself. There was so much internal conflict going on as I was trying to make peace with not only my present, but my past. I saw acceptance as being a big part of my journey towards confidence. Today, I'm looking back at the woman two years ago who took her first steps on her confidence journey that day. That journey led me to seek a diagnosis for my mental health condition, and start down a road of recovery. It helped me apply myself to therapy because I was confident that this time, therapy would help me. It did. I started this blog because confidence for me is also creativity. One of the major factors behind Sass and Clacks is that I was so burned out with my job, I wanted to create something that kept my passion for writing alive. Today, my quiet confidence has led me to take the leap into freelance life and get stuck in trying to make a name for myself. I'm not always confident in myself, but I've learned I don't have to be. It's not realistic to be confident 100% of the time, at least for me. What matters is I'm trying, and that I'm fearless in the journey to my authentic self. #sassandclacks #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #mixedanxietydepressivedisorder #madd #mentalhealthblogger #mentalhealthawareness #confidenceworkshop #peachleeray #confidencecoach #authenticself #selfcompassion #selflove #selfcare #acceptance #makepeacewithyourself #healthandfitnessblogger #fitnesspoledance #poledanceblogger #wellnessblogger #nottinghamblogger #freelancewriter #writerforhire #bloggerforhire

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My History (For Context)

I’ve talked a lot on my blog and social media before about living with Mixed Anxiety Depressive Disorder, doing therapy, and being on medication to control my symptoms.

You can check out this blog post if you want to know more.

But the TL;DR is that I was diagnosed with Mixed Anxiety Depressive Disorder in 2018 after spending years fighting for a diagnosis, and despite trying to come off medication in 2019, I’m back on it again.

Having a combination of depression, anxiety, and trauma has wrecked my self-esteem and confidence.

I was always a shy kid, and always part of the “misfits” group of kids that didn’t really fit in anywhere else. The popular girls liked me because I was quiet, nice, and would offer to help them out in class if they were struggling. The popular boys made fun of me, asked me out as a joke, and laughed whenever I talked about any of my interests.

One of the biggest things I’ve always struggled with is the constant need for external validation. Through school, it was easy enough to find – I had a strong group of friends up until the point where I left college – but in my adult life, this need for validation has frequently held me back.

Paired with internalised fatphobia and myriad other insecurities, I’ve never really been on my own team.

When I met Peach for the first time at the Killer Confidence workshop in 2017, it really kick-started the idea in my head that I was worth more than the manipulation, insecurity, and mental health issues that I’d lived with my whole life. Later that year, I went on my first course of therapy, and in 2018 I finally got my diagnosis, medication, and another course of therapy.

But, enough about me – what did I think about the new Killer Confidence?

A screenshot showing the course curriculum and each section of the course.

Course Content

One of the best things about this course is that it feels like you’re talking with a friend.

It’s a similar vibe that the 2017 course had, and Peach has this awesome ability to make you feel instantly at ease when she starts talking. You never feel judged or talked down to, but rather valued, loved, and accepted for where you are now.

This course is never really what you’d expect – and I mean that in the best way.

Peach’s teachings and techniques are all 100% genuine and free of the “just smile more!” bullshit that often gets touted whenever anyone talks about building their self-confidence.

Instead, she investigates the very concept of self-confidence and how our confidence develops throughout our lifetime before she even asks you to explore where you’re at.

Throughout the course, videos are accompanied with meditations or worksheets to help you cement what you’ve just learned through introspective work.

Peach makes it clear that learning how to improve your self-confidence is a constant journey and isn’t something that her course will magically cure, which is a refreshing reminder.

CBT Techniques

Having been through therapy before, there were a few concepts and techniques that I recognised.

Namely, the section about negative thought patterns and how to recognise them reminded me of doing my thought logs with my last therapist (and, less often than I like to admit, on my own).

While I was already familiar with the concept of negative thought patterns, the Killer Confidence course helped me reflect on why I have these negative thought patterns in the first place, and what influenced their development.

I came to some quite shocking realisations that I’ve never really thought about throughout my recovery work, and it’s put a whole new perspective on how I think and why.

It’s one thing to challenge your negative thought patterns when you notice them, which I’ve gotten a lot better at since I started therapy, but it’s another thing entirely to get to the heart of why you think that way and challenge them at their source.

Meditation

A woman sits cross-legged on a pier facing away from the camera. She has long brown hair that is being blown around by the wind.

I’ve always struggled with meditation.

I still remember trying (and failing) to stifle giggles sat on the floor of my partner’s bedroom when I was determined to try. The only meditation that’s ever worked for me was guided meditation, like the kind at the end of a yoga class (or, for me, BODYBALANCE at my local gym).

Thankfully, both of the meditations Peach includes in the Killer Confidence course are guided, so I was able to fully relax into them.

Not only are these meditations guided, but they’re also targeted towards your self-confidence journey.

It feels a little more active than a regular guided meditation as, personally, I found myself answering questions in my head and engaging with the visualisations that came up in my head instead of sitting with an image.

Peach has a very relaxing voice, and the way she talks you through the meditations doesn’t feel uncomfortable or awkward.

Worksheets

The idea of worksheets can seem daunting, but the ones included with the Killer Confidence course are short and to the point.

Because the meditation exercises deal with the visualisation aspect of your self-confidence journey, these worksheets let you do more introspective exploration.

Having done worksheets for therapy in the past, I know how awkward it can feel to be assigned self-help homework.

These worksheets don’t feel awkward to complete at all, and perhaps the greatest advantage of this being an online course is that you never have to share what you write with anyone.

The questions are open-ended without being vague, and each worksheet is preceded by a video explaining everything you need to know before you dive in.

I found these worksheets really easy to complete because I had the freedom to write what I wanted which, paired with the meditations, really helped me to open up and figure out what I wanted to learn from this course.

Killer Confidence: Two Weeks In

https://www.instagram.com/p/CAIFfR5BVXA/

So it’s been about two weeks since I finished the course, and I wanted to share how I’ve taken the techniques in the Killer Confidence course and adapted them into my everyday life.

Accepting Compliments

It’s always been difficult for me to accept compliments, but after watching the video on the importance of compliments to our self-confidence, I was more mindful about how I responded to my partner and my friends when they said nice things about me.

My partner, bless him, compliments me all the time. But, my natural response to him has always been along the lines of “no that’s you” or disagreeing with him, or downplaying my achievements. I decided a good place to start with this would be simply saying “thank you” when he compliments me, and it’s worked really well! Every time I accept what he’s saying about me is true – because I trust he doesn’t have any hidden agendas – I feel a lot more powerful and happy within myself.

Recently, I’ve been doing painting by numbers kits for relaxation, and I just finished my first canvas. Nick told me how much he loved the artwork and how good it looked. Normally I might have said “oh the hard work is done for me, I just followed the numbers, I didn’t really do anything”, but I stopped myself and instead said “thanks, it still needs tidying up but I’m really proud of it”

It might sound small, but after minimising my achievements for years, finally accepting compliments really helps me remember that I am talented and valued.

One of the most powerful parts of this section of the was the metaphor that Peach used to describe the importance of accepting compliments, and it’s made it a lot easier for me to visualise how I’m responding to compliments affects my mental health.

Positivity Journal

I’ve always struggled with journaling, and even when I tried to do it again for the Killer Confidence course, I never really maintained the habit.

So, instead, I started telling my partner all of the positive things that I could think of from that day. Saying them out loud helped to cement them in my head, and it felt really powerful to say things like “I gave my client feedback on their briefing process and didn’t feel like an impostor”.

Since I finished the course I’ve had a few bad mental health days, and on those days it can be difficult to feel like anything positive happened. On one of those days, I told my partner “I made it to the end of the day” and “I was able to focus on playing Two Point Hospital for 10 minutes”. I learned that my positives differ a lot depending on where my mind’s at, and that just because some things might be very minor on some days, they’re still positives on the bad ones.

This is something I’m definitely going to continue with as I continue with my self-confidence journey, as it’s already helping me to remember that good things do happen and that I can influence positive change in my life.

Mindfulness and Meditation

I think this is the part I’ve struggled with the most, but it’s something I really want to get better at.

A big part of being more mindful for me has been spending time away from my computer and phone. Painting by numbers kits and jigsaws have really helped me with this, and they give me an opportunity to slow down and be in the present moment.

I’ve found that my crafting hobbies have been a great way for me to focus my brain and force me to be present in the moment.

In particular, the painting by numbers kits I’ve been doing have very small sections, which focuses my mind.

Learning more about the importance of mindfulness has also helped me with anxiety, and I’ve started using the grounding techniques my therapist recommended to me again.

If you’re not familiar with grounding, it’s a form of mindfulness where you take note of things you can feel with your senses, which can help bring you back to the present when your mind is racing with anxiety. I’ve actually found using these techniques more often helps me sleep better, which isn’t something that I was expecting!

Killer Confidence, Mental Health, Trauma, and Therapy

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Hey friends. It's been a while, huh? So I know I really haven't been around for a while. And honestly, I've really wanted to get some new posts out. I've got two posts to write about products I was sent earlier in the year, and that's not to mention all the things I want to write about mental health during the lockdown, dealing with a changing body, and mindful fitness. The truth is that shit's hard and I'm really feeling the pressure. Pressure to keep up with content, with social media, with the pole world. I've got no work coming in and the lack of income is stressing me out. I'm in an endless cycle of not feeling like I'm doing enough, producing enough, or being enough. My head is a jumble and I'm not sure how to get my thoughts in order. There's a lot of things going on behind the scenes that are messing with my mind and in turn, I can't focus or really do anything super creative right now. I just want you all to know that I love you and I'm still here. I'm not spending a lot of time on social media compared to how things were. I'm trying to keep myself occupied with more physical things to keep my thoughts on track and to avoid the wonderful existential dread that comes with spending too long thinking about the world, politics, and society. Anyway there might be some new content soon if I can ever concentrate on what I want to say for more than a few seconds. We'll see what I come up with. Love and socially distanced hugs, Emma xxx #sassandclacks #poledancenation #poledancerblog #fatblogger #bopoblogger #fitnessblogger #mentalhealthblogger #nottsbloggers #mentalhealth #depression #lockdownuk #bloggerforhire

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One of the greatest things this course did for me is it helped me to examine my childhood trauma in more detail.

To date, I’ve done one course of therapy on the NHS and two courses of CBT, one on the NHS, and one paid for by my old employer. I’ve been extremely lucky in that regard. Even though the first course of therapy I ever did actually made my depression and anxiety worse, and it took me another two years to feel comfortable going back to therapy.

This course from Pole Royalty Training is a fantastic addition to my ongoing recovery journey with mental illness and trauma.

Self-confidence is a huge part of mental wellness, but I don’t feel like I’ve been confident about myself since about 12. Depression and anxiety can really work a number on your sense of self, and combined with trauma, denying my own strength, talents, and value is par for the course at this point.

While I feel like my self-confidence has already come a long way since I turned 18, I know I still have a long way to go.

Killer Confidence: In Summary

Peach Lee Ray is looking into the camera and holding her hair back. She is wearing no makeup.

Most importantly of all, the Killer Confidence course from Pole Royalty Training isn’t like the vast majority of self-help courses out there.

With this course, you get real, practical advice. There’s no wishy-washy bullshit about how “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else” (which is a phrase I hate, and that’s a hill I’ll gladly die on) or about how the same techniques will always work perfectly for everyone.

Killer Confidence will give you the tools and knowledge you need to build a self-confidence toolkit that works for you.

While Peach will teach you useful techniques and explain why these work so well, you’re always encouraged to try them out, play around with them, and find variations.

The worksheets are a fantastic tool to use alongside these videos, as they help you to explore the deeper aspects of your self-confidence, what you want to improve on, and set goals for the future.

Personally, I loved doing these worksheets, as they help me to dig deeper and reflect on what I thought I knew about myself.

If you’re familiar with CBT or other forms of therapy, you might find some parts of this course familiar.

Peach has done an amazing job incorporating aspects of CBT into this course without it feeling like therapy.

Rather, it feels like you’re chatting with a friend, so there’s no awkward dynamics at play.

I’d recommend Killer Confidence to anyone who’s looking to work on realising their own self-worth, build their self-confidence, or even if you just need some validation that you are not who other people say you are.


Thanks again to Peach Lee Ray from Pole Royalty Training for giving me access to this fantastic course for free and for supporting what I do here at Sass and Clacks!

If you’d like to jump in and start your self-confidence journey, you can find all the details of the course on the Pole Royalty Training website.


Hey, I know we’re all struggling for money right now but I wanted to draw your attention towards some important charities that are tackling racism, hate, and injustice, and providing invaluable support.

If you have a spare quid or two, please consider throwing it their way. Thank you <3

Mermaids – A UK-based charity for gender-diverse kids and their families

The Trevor Project – Offers mental health resources for LGBTQ+ youth and runs a crisis hotline

Steven Lawrence Charitable Trust – Helping young folx from disadvantaged backgrounds with community, career, and education support

Black Lives Matter UK – Supporting Black-led community organisations and fighting to dismantle white supremacy, imperialism, and patriarchy

Black Minds Matter – Raising money to provide free therapy sessions for Black people in the UK

KEASH – Salon Hardship Fund – Providing financial support to Black-owned salons that have suffered due to COVID-19


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